October

It has moved through her so quickly

she barely was able to take a breath in.

Trees now half naked 

branches looking thin

her voice lost its focus

there now is chagrin.

From a tree whose wisdom 

lasts far longer than her hurt

or your anger

comes the reminder that

the universe cycles

like seasons 

with only time

passing

to never be regained again.

She misses you, her son.

She misses you as she always has

when you turn away

convinced 

she is less than any of your stars.

She is, of course, so her ego says

and you are the star that shined ever so brightly first

40 earth years ago.

Perhaps love is not enough,

but it is all she really has 

that indeed she does give freely.

She loves you no matter what.

All else is ony hanging onto

what has passed to never return again.

October ~ the month when losses are huge

upon a heart broken into so many pieces

and considered not good enough

by far too many.

October ~ the month that ushers in two months

of despair and lonely isolations.  Perhaps the reflecting

pool will not be so dark and gloomy this year ~ then again

perhaps it will.  

Yes Loneliness, people do change and finally learn

to simply sit in quiet solitude accepting the current

that flows underneath everything ~ LOVE.

October ~ you too will go away.  

In my collection box

“Change happens for you the moment you want something

more than you fear it.” 

― Eric Micha'el Leventhal

"In a forest of a hundred thousand trees, no two leaves are alike. And no two journeys along the same path are alike."

Paulo Coelho

"It takes a lot of time being a genius. You have to sit around so much doing nothing. Really doing nothing." Gertrude Stein

“You can ask the universe for all the signs you want, but ultimately, we see what we want to see when we’re ready to see it.”

upon death's door (the Light)

she rose up from body limp

to the light that warmed the universe

there she realized no fear of human death

for the beauty of the afterlife laid out before her soul's eyes

sent back down not quite ready yet

she no longer entertained uncertainty for the loss of life

instead she oft dreamed of returning on over to that other side

it makes living this human life experience

much more charged with excitement and adventure

she does not think it is necessary to survive

but rather to find the joy in all things including the struggles

as each passes too quickly compared to eternity

Ready but living 

Sometimes wishing for that peaceful bliss of forever unafraid 

It's a reminder of living courageously today

Palette: the Mist of Now

Awash in an in between

where everything seems foggy

 yet somehow painfully clear

time stopped as she sat

breathing, took little more than a nod

vision unnecessary 

yet there. 

The world had died 

yet this is what living on must be?

A fleeting thought then a floating nothing.

"How strange" she did swear

wondering if quenching her thirst

might bring her back into the world

or at least the world back from its grave.

She reaches over to shift the sound to a musical flow

but she does not know what more to do to make things

fantasy rather than the reality that they now appeared 

surrounding her on all fronts so that there was no edge.

Her unfixed gaze suddenly lands upon blades

of a plant that stands off in another room

barely within the last view.

That breaks the silence of the present 

to fling her into the corners of the 

places easily judged yesterday and tomorrow

forgetting that only now is real.  

Now gone and memories simply little wisps of clouds.  

There was a feeling inside that presence

that left her knowing that only in imaginations

pretending that is how things are

can anyone be certain that they have made themselves 

beyond much of anything

other than the stars.

You cannot get rich being an artist

but you certainly can go acceptably mad 

and be deemed somehow eccentric in 

an odd sort of genius unacknowledged til dead.

She thus retreats to do another self portrait 

probably considered bizarre but for the few

who really understood.

Those few ~ gone and un named too.

~byKateyB

Future Hope

A rock wall built on stilts

shall surely fall

Little creatures hiding behind 

believe that wall infallible

all to a led demise

Standing upright outside the line

the surety of disagreement

brings about what the heart knows

is the right to do 

The wall could have been

 a beautiful edge

that allowed not only see through

but guidance to go on beyond

Now the singular islands 

each choosing paths 

heart guided

see one another for efforts

coexisting along side

with no walls.

                                                                   ~byKateyB

prescience

reaching with ghostly fingers

into the dream that bubbled above the brain

unable to grasp a hold of your hand

let go

without even saying hello

goodbye before  hi

did we know 

before we died

we would hide

til the other side

its a feeling

forming a picture

not yet put into words

emptiness

the longer sitting there

the closer the darkness enclosed

suffocating comes to mind

the little fists could not break through

as the walls came tighter in

the lump in the throat strangled

the heart so deadened it did not beat

moving the lead feet impossible

the mind no longer even half blind

seemed the final decision was to jump

leave nothing behind

leap over that edge

drowning in the endless depths

of lost forever tears

something has been changing

imperceptible changes at first

yet they crept across the landscape

leaving long dark shadows in their wake

not a stranger these changes

leaving emptiest feelings

at first glimpse thoughts to fight them off

now rushed upon the bowed head

no sense to struggle against

overwhelming forced upon

might as well leap

take that step over the edge

drowning in endless depths

of lost forever tears

the saddest figure sat in lackluster grays

barren of any decoration on walls

unnoticed as no eyes cared to peer in

head dropped to knees pulled to chest

hair tossled below shoulders slumped

tears forcing puddles on glazed ground

overcome by nothingness numbed mind

no directional breeze to change the time

emptied of any thought to care

less than even lonesome alone

might as well leap

take that final step over that last edge

drowing in endless depths

of lost forever tears

sadly it had nothing to do with

any thing any one any time

lacking strength to overcome

shadow of mind

the leap into the never ending

lost pools of tears of time

had the lump not negated the voice

perhaps the cries for help

would have been heard

by even the mind

now only silence deafens muffled

the broken heart

the mind no longer half blind

emptiness begs lost time

escape from the third dimension

back to the fifth dimension

Body temp 103

(I do not do well in the third dimension.  I struggle to remember
to be faster to listen and slower to speak and suddenly I blurt out
untempered, unthought thru thoughts...... sighs.... )

the insipid body
drags the heart
into that grey

rest
that is what
I need

oh hark
they say
you were
 warned

it was worth it
when I recuperate
when it all is slept upon
the experiences I know
I will appreciate

15?!!???
like so awkward
and so juvenile
as if
the first time
all over again

sighs

for now
I will rest in the arms
of the fifth dimension's charm
content to sleep
hopefully til this
fever breaks

awake

she whispered her own name to awake

ragged edges of worn gown swept across the floor

the warmth of the day already begun

her hair tousled needing the brush

rubbing the bits of left sleep

her lips parted to suck in the morning's breath

one moment she felt stalled

the next inhaled thought

exhaled the beginning of a time

unrequested coming from the side ways

now she knew

one more step forward into that day

when she fell in love with you

awake oh awake 

JUMP

mounting the ancient bleached stone steps one at a time

she moved quietly albeit somewhat belabored under the age

her eyes first cast down and then up with inhale and exhale

determination glowed in her gentle eyes as slight salty tears shivered

drying before crossing the threshold of her sturdy jaw line

her motivation to see the other side of a chaotic humankind

no temple atop the stairs stretched forth as if vanishing into blue sky

every now but then here a small token of someone who came before

her simplicity of the thought chanted under her breath was no need for why

there will be a brightness shining way up there

when she does finally arrive

there where the souls blend into that peaceful kindness of love for all time

in the darkness there has been light

in the light there was darkness 

yet consulting the inner voice

listening to the sultry at times and soft aged at others

the whisper told of truth none other sound could impart

forever is not how long she climbs

rather just a brief human life time

every now and then a song breaks loose from her lips

to be heard by the meadows and yes even quieted birds

freedom is being without fear of not being accepted

what is

even choices will not matter when the last step is reached

where then she looks and then she becomes

nothing more than aire

jump

In your Moon

The moon came through the open window

 on an unexpected breeze

 whilst I was sleeping.  

It brushed the hair back from my face

 then kissed me upon my forehead.

I smiled knowing you had sent it 

 as you have done ever since we parted.  

In your moon

I slept

in peace.

Only touching my lips

to it

as I awoke

to send it back

to 

You.

aberrant companions

My soul sometimes bleeds through sleep, leaving me bewildered with a wakefulness that was less about thoughts and more about deep penetrating feelings that left scars so very long ago one almost but never forgets nor forgot.  

I just wished there were even one other soul buried inside one other human that I might connect with in silent understanding so that sitting with no spoken words was a deep presence desired by both.  

Like a human who wishes to fly ~ this soul has turned ghostly white waiting for its release.  

Perhaps in the mists or even the darkness I might find you to commune with whilst both of our souls remain encased in these human sarcophagi.

Pour another Ginger and Jack

Sit down upon the glider

 surrounded by the coolness

 of the late spring breeze

 flowing through the open windows 

Pull the music close 

stare at the unfinished canvas

 that begs for attention

 getting only the distance of the mind

 now lulled in peaceful contentment

She was far away

in the nearness of this day

remembering those times 

when nothing interrupted

the joy of reflection that

now comes back to be

if only her eyes now could see

she came full circle 

in silent reverie

Where did you go

Was I really so foolish

Thinking I had to let you go

Why did I not sit next to you

And wait forever and a day

(snippets of) memento mori [now with postlude]

Day 10

National Poetry Month

I.

remember you must die

with the remembering 

comes the living more sensitively

the sip of coffee becomes the last drink

the view of the tree out the window

becomes that last look

in each moment that death is remembered

living becomes that more grand in the simplicity

why do we look for ways to dull our senses when 

we are down about our circumstances

we do it to die rather than live

yet living through, promises the triumph

of knowing we can do it

we can make it through and be more

than the circumstances that seemed 

at a point before to control us

Look for life in the reminders of death

that living might be just that grand 

in the schema of human strifes

there is living to be done

surprises to take in with our breaths

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

II.

she feels convicted by words on a page

then not wanting to deal within

she stomps on the author to end

denial is her only friend

yet in the acts of desired hurt

she forgets her life is worth 

as much as any human's

for death is but one last breath

but living is exactly what she might make of it

she is scared of her own shadow

so screams and screeches at others

with grand bravado

as if that makes her taller and stronger

she missed yet another chance to

begin her life and shape it

with an attitude of gratitude

her green eyes dart around 

to find anyone else to criticize

so she does not have to experience

her own life

then take responsibility for living

she has neglected memento mori

yet others see it in her

to then live with their own purpose

more greatly convicted

come forth glory

of the life

living brings!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

III.

he sucks down yet another drink

in hopes he can forget what he can not now change

while he is wallowing in self pity

he is justifying by shaming and blaming others

yet if he sobered to recognize the skull

simply reminds that 

he too can take charge of his own life

begin again to shape with his own breath

what he wants in these breathless moments

before tipping off the mountain top

to exhilirate in the moments 

he can now appreciate

knowing that every human is promised death

every human can make life at his best

bring the senses out of the fog

rise up knowing them 

embrace as a part of the whole

and BE which is great.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IV.

through blue lenses reflect such wondrous light

tis fine imperfect as wabi sabi 

for in those cracks 

more light

more living

more reminders

than soon enough

life ends

make of it 

what she can

while she can.

Lenses of blue light

reflecting back again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

V.

no, work is what he knows

what defines him most

he missed out on several chances

he may well miss out yet again.

Humbleness is becoming.

When pride is set aside

connections can be made

yet again.....

for there was a willingness

still is

that living can be done

together now and then

breathe

see what can happen

if only you let your full self

be what it has hope it could be

in spite of your grabbing

holding your breath

so that living did not have to accept

the imperfections of building connections

one living stone moment at a time

breathe then live

beginnings are available

as long as aire can be taken in

living is not predictable but

aye aye captain

death is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

VI.

We set sail tomorrow

with cracks here and there

will we make it in storms

of course as long as life

is reminded of its preciousness

as death is all we can count upon.

Breathe in

Exhale out

Look at the sails fill with wind

Remember to stand at the bow

Smile as the miles of ocean

fold under the ship.

Purpose of living 

is what we each make of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Postlude

If but for Love
she would not know the loss
Weeping does not wash away that Love
rather it refreshes the life that lives
with LOVE forever in the Heart.

She grieves 
because she Loves
yet Love is worth
that price.

© 1998-2016 by KLB

for so little

The shadows were black as the night

Yet someone knew they were there

The fire was sharp slicing the silence

The boots on the ground ordered 

Special forces who may well have known

Their cover was blown albeit not the why

They lost that night 

One too many lives

Their hearts aching in grief

They alone will weep 

In loving memory 

Of a life 

gone 

why

for so little

so terribly much

lost

(in memory of Senior Chief Special Warfare Operator William Ryan Owens )

free

"Man wants to put everything in a cage ~ and he does not spare himself. "

 ~ KateyB

the illusions built over years

finally fell from the worn window frame

pane by pane they hit the ground

shattering into slivers, jagged sharps

the fragility of the core

dare not pick them up

to risk cutting and bleeding out

exposed to the wind and rain and sun

there became a strength

as wings began to unfold

first the moistness risked the filmy screen

see through as dried 

unpierceable by human scorn

lightness of the innocence brand new

with ancient eyes embedded

the silence became nothing to you 

yet she knew that she knew

and

she loved you no matter where you are

she loves you into the fullness of light

beyond the simple heat mirages 

she was, you must know,

she is, you must feel

free